CFD – Chapter 13 – A Dry Vision of the Future

“You know, my parents always come home late.” (Azami)

While saying that, Azami brought out tea, so I thanked her and accepted it.

“They are busy with work, aren’t they?” (Yotsuka)

“It seems so. They always come back late at night and are busy even on weekends… I don’t know if it’s really just working though.” (Azami)

In the end, I heard some unsettling words and felt puzzled about how to react, so I took a sip of tea.

“Well, it’s fine for now because I have these kids.” (Azami)

She must have felt lonely in the past. The monsters that were keeping their distance until a while ago gathered around Azami and nestled up beside her as she took her seat.

“You guys seem to get along well.” (Yotsuka)

“Well, I am a Monster Tamer, after all. It’s natural to have this kind of bond. How about you, Yotsuka-kun?” (Azami)

“You mean with Amane?” (Yotsuka)

“That too, but also with the spirits. I watched your stream. It seemed like you and Rinnea-chan got along well, but do you also call them when you’re at home?” (Azami)

“Not really. It would be lively if I called them, but it would also become quite chaotic. I prefer to have a calm environment.” (Yotsuka)

I can’t relax if the spirits are constantly out.

“What about Amane-chan?” (Azami)

“I don’t think our relationship is bad. Although,  she did tell me that she was against me being an explorer the other day.” (Yotsuka)

“I talked with her about it a bit before, but it seems like she is really concerned about you.” (Azami)

“I tried to explain that it’s a socially necessary job, but I couldn’t get her to understand.” (Yotsuka)

“It’s natural to worry when it involves family. No matter how strong Yotsuka-kun is…” (Azami)

“I understand that. Especially since it hasn’t been that long since my father passed away.” (Yotsuka)

My father was strong and experienced, yet he still passed away. It’s understandable that your older brother, who is a high school student, would appear even more vulnerable and dangerous in her eyes.

“I will delve into the dungeon even if she dislikes it. It’s for the sake of society.” (Yotsuka)

“Aren’t you afraid of dying?” (Azami)

“I am afraid, but well, I guess it’s okay. It can’t be helped.” (Yotsuka)

“It seems like you’re not the type to weigh life too heavily.” (Azami)

“Yeah, that’s right. Amane sarcastically called me progressive for that.” (Yotsuka)

“I think I’m more like you, Yotsuka-kun. I just can’t feel that life is so heavy. It feels light, transient, and disposable.” (Azami)

Azami paused for a moment and had a distant look in her eyes, as if gazing into the distance.

“But for Amane-chan, it’s a heavy burden, isn’t it?… I wish I could experience being cherished like that too.” (Azami)

“Aren’t you being cherished?” (Yotsuka)

As I recalled her unsettling words from earlier, I hesitated but decided to speak up.

“You know, when I mentioned wanting to have monsters as companions, those two¹ said something along the lines of ‘Raise them yourself.’ They suggested that I should delve into dungeons and earn money if I want to keep them. They didn’t seem particularly interested.” (Azami)

Upon hearing that, Azami gently stroked her Knight (Nai-chan).

Silence fell upon us, leaving us with no words to say.

“Well, in reality, if you have monsters as companions, you do need to take them to dungeons for stress relief, so that aspect is not necessarily a problem.” (Azami)

“Still, everyone around you cares about you deeply.” (Yotsuka)

“You mean our classmates and the viewers of my live stream? But they are not like that. Or rather, even if I died all of a sudden, they would would continue their everyday lives as usual the next day.²” (Azami)

I can understand what she is trying to say.

In essence, it seems like she is longing for affection.

Perhaps it’s a feeling that I, who have someone³ who deeply cares about me, may not fully comprehend.

“To be honest… it may sound selfish, but sometimes I wonder if what I’m doing is just gathering substitutes.” (Azami)

“Substitutes?” (Azami)

“I gathered Nai-chan and the others as a substitute for family, and I live stream to gather viewers as a substitute for the affection I couldn’t obtain. I feel like I’m just desperately trying to fill the void in my heart, even though they can never be filled.” (Azami)

“But… isn’t there value in what you have gathered?” (Yotsuka)

“Yeah. Even if they are substitutes, they are irreplaceable and precious to me. And I believe I will continue gathering them in the future. I’ll strive to increase my monsters and make efforts to reach more viewers. …Besides, there are things I haven’t tried yet, I’m wondering if there might be something there.” (Azami)

“What are those things you haven’t tried yet?” (Yotsuka)

“Love.⁴” (Azami)

Upon hearing that blunt response, the hand that was reaching for the tea stopped midway. Nevertheless, Azami continued without paying it much attention.

“In this day and age, it’s often said that women should prioritize getting married and having children.” (Azami)

“Indeed, there is such a trend.” (Yotsuka)

I learned that in the past, it wasn’t like that, but with the emergence of dungeons in an already declining birth rate society, there was a greater need for manpower, and the number of deaths among young people increased significantly. This led to the increased trend of expecting women to give birth.

The ratio of men dying while diving into dungeons is higher, and as a result, polygamy has been legalized in recent years to address the population imbalance.

“I also sometimes wonder if it would be better for me to get married and have children at an early age. Because, you know, a husband and children essentially form a family, right? I think that maybe if I have a new family, the void in my heart might finally be filled… But it’s probably not a good idea. I have a feeling that if I were to marry based on such strange thoughts, it would end in failure. But I probably won’t be able to stop myself. I keep having these strange dreams, thinking, ‘Maybe with this person…'” (Azami)

“… Do you have someone in mind?” (Yotsuka)

“For now, I don’t.” (Azami)

Azami shook her head.

“But even so, there are many people who approach me. I have this image that people like me, who are starved for affection, tend to attract the wrong kind of men. I can’t help but wonder what would happen if I were to pursue a relationship.” (Azami)

“You’re really looking at yourself from a bird’s-eye view.” (Yotsuka)

“Do you think so? What about you, Yotsuka-kun? Do you think about things like marriage?” (Azami)

“I haven’t really thought about it. There doesn’t seem to be any indication of me getting a girlfriend or anything.” (Yotsuka)

“Since you can solo lower-level explorations, you must be an advanced explorer, right? Your abilities have been recognized through this incident, so I think you’ll become popular from now on, won’t you?” (Azami)

“Well, if you were to marry someone, it would be a person with a full-time job, right?” (Yotsuka)

It is generally said that explorers, who could die at any time, are not popular as marriage partners. However, there are also stories about them being attractive to others. The actual situation is not well understood.

“In reality, there is a possibility of dying early, so I think the possibility of becoming the last generation is more likely to cross one’s mind, rather than thinking about marriage.” (Yotsuka)

“Then, Yotsuka-kun, it would be better for you to marry and have children early.” (Azami)

“But isn’t that irresponsible considering you don’t know when you might die?” (Yotsuka)

“Not to me. The death of an explorer is a result of contribution to society.” (Azami)

That’s another perspective, and it’s actually a viewpoint that is often seen online. In fact, Azami’s opinion is more in line with the mainstream.

“Well, I’m not particularly averse to marriage.” (Yotsuka)

“I see.” (Azami)

Upon hearing that, Azami takes a sip of her tea.

“By the way, Yotsuka-kun, what kind of person do you like?” (Azami)

“…………I guess I’m mostly focused on appearances. As for personality… it may sound terrible coming from me, but as long as they don’t get in the way, anything goes.” (Yotsuka)

Upon hearing that, Azami chuckled.

“You’re quite dry, aren’t you?” (Azami)

“I think so. By the way, what about your preferences, Azami-san?” (Yotsuka)

“I guess… someone I can feel at ease with.” (Azami)

“That’s vague.” (Yotsuka)

“Yeah, it’s very vague. That’s why it’s easy to get it wrong.” (Azami)

As Azami looked at me, she smiled for some reason.

We continued to chat for a while, and eventually, I decided to leave her house, as Amane was waiting for me. It was getting late, and my mother would likely be home by this time. Amane takes care of preparing dinner.

Walking along the short nighttime path from Azami’s house to my own, holding a wooden sword in hand, I couldn’t help but feel that discussions about marriage and children were making me feel more like a grown-up than deciding on my post-graduation path.

It’s unclear who Azami will end up with. From her own words, she doesn’t seem to have a particularly positive vision of the future in that regard.

As for myself, if I were to be in a relationship, what kind of partner would they be?

I would prefer to be with a woman who is attractive both in terms of her face and physique. That’s how I feel. I can’t imagine being with someone for a long time until I become old and worn out. I have this feeling that I might meet my end before reaching the age of forty, just like my father did. Until then, I want to be with a woman who can provide me with as much sexual satisfaction as possible during my youthful years.

I found myself fantasizing about being Azami’s partner. That’s what crossed my mind.

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TL notes:

Thanks for reading!

Their conversation: *About bonds with monsters*
Yotsuka: YoU MeAN wItH AManE?

Bruh MC how can Amane be the first thing you think of during that part of the conversation. Also thank you writer, for giving me this “good luck trying to translate this without ruining the emotional feeling lol” chapter. 

Well on a serious note, I do think that Azami’s thoughts about loneliness are reflective in some people of her age. Heck, I used to have some of those thoughts myself. That’s actually how I got into reading novels and visual novels lol.

Btw, this was suppose to be posted tmr, but I released it early cause it’s a pretty interesting chapter, and if your wondering why my release for this series is lesser than usual, it’s because I was translating LSP.

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Footnote:

1. “Those two” probably refers to her parents. So yeh she might not like her parents
2. Sorry I might have butchered this line. Raw is “クラスの皆や配信の視聴者さん？　でも、そういうのじゃないの。もっと、わたしが死んでも明日からまたいつも通りの日常を歩めるような人達じゃなくて”.
3. Referring to Amane and their parents
4. The raw actually said “Men” but I replaced it with “love” since it sounds better in a conversation.